The life and times of Pamela King

I just so sick and tired of so many things.........I am always one to worry about everything. I absolutely got sick and tired of hearing my best friend Shannon bitching about everything that her husband, his two kids and his ex wife would do. It was getting to the point where it seemed like she was going enjoyment out of hearing about when and being present for when they would be punished. She was fixated on the fact that she thought that her husbands oldest kid wasn't really his (even though she had been told that she was by him). She was fixated on his ex (i.e. the way she acted, talked and dressed). I just got tired of how every time I would go and see her that, that was all I had to look forward to. I got tired of it all so I finally put an end to it. I tried numerous times to change the subject but she just wouldn't stop. It was as if she wasn't getting the clues that I was giving her. I might be an outgoing aggressive person but I can't say NO to people. I finally just stopped going over there or hanging out with her. I just told her that I couldn't see her anymore. That helped plus the whole dog thing......another story......but I had to quit because of the stress. I was taking it all out on my husband. I mean how many times can you talk about the same thing over and over and over again. I felt as if though I had lived all that she was going through. Do I feel bad about? YES!!!! Very much so because I feel responsible for the whole thing. I mean I did introduce them to each other. Yet I have come to learn that even though I introduced them I didn't hold a gun to their heads when they got married or when they decided to have a kid together. I just feel like I lost a great friend but I never felt like I was truly a friend to her......I felt as if though I was just someone to bitch and vent to. I would just hate it when she would ask for my opinion on something, and I would give it but she would never listen. I used to dread the whole "what would you do" questions that she would present me with. I knew that if I didn't give her the answer that she wanted....she would dismiss it. Yet if I told her what she wanted to hear she would go back and tell her husband and then he would get mad at me for butting in on their lives. After a while he began to dislike me solely on what she would say to him about what I would have to say. That really got old. So I guess all I have to say now is that I hope one day she will stop all of the nit-picking and just get over everything and accept things for the way they are. Her husband will always be who he is, the kids will always be who they are (and they will ALWAYS be there) and that his ex is who she is and even though she doesn't think that they should have ever gotten together they did so GET OVER IT!!! I just hate that he is going through all of that. She does the same thing to him but since he won't put his foot down about it I guess it will just continue. I am just hoping that when I start school at Watts that I will make some friends there. I will be with these people for the next 2 years. I just want a mature friend that cares about me as much as I will care about them. I never ever want a one-sided friendship again. Besides.....this is why I usually just stick to guys as my friends. They are so MUCH easier too get along with. Yet I still have to be careful about that though, I have already ended up with two stalkers by having guys as friends.

I am also tired of my hubby worrying about me with regards to Kaity. He is so worried that she is stressing me out but in actuality it is he who is stressing me out. I only ask for him to step in and help me with her when I really need him to. Otherwise I can deal with her on my own. He just feels as if though he needs to step up all the time and it stresses him out which in turn stresses me out. Like I told him today......I am not worried about her when I start these super hard classes and with the 70 hour weeks that I will be using to study, no I already know that I will be stressing about how he will handle her. He isn't violent or mean.......he is just very gruff and I hate that. I know that is why she says sorry all of the time. The only thing that I ask is that he will be nice to her and to concentrate on things that stress him out. I need him to be level headed for the next 2 years..... I mean I had to let go of all my stresses.......Shannon, that bitch mother of mine and how she thinks and acts like a 16 year old, both of my sisters since they are immature, my brother who is a dead beat and finally my dead-beat, loser, abusive, drug-doing asshole of a father. The last straw came when my own MOTHER called DSS on me because she just had to get the last word in because I told her that I never wanted to talk to her again. Basically I wrote off my whole family and I have no regrets as I don't want them influencing my daughter.

So other than the fact that I am proud of my hubby for what he is doing today, the fact that it is raining and Kaity and I are stuck inside life is just peaceful and I am happy and content.